If You Can’t Say It in 10 Words or Less, Don’t Say It
July 20, 2026
Principles taken from Child Parent Relationship Training by Sue Bratton and Garry Landreth
The other day, a young girl standing in my waiting area asked, “Why are there so many hearts everywhere?” as she pointed to my logo sign on the wall, the iPad check-in, the exterior door to the office, and the update form in my hand. (Mom quipped, “We’ll discuss branding and logos later.”) I thought it was a great question!
A heart captures Child-Centered Play Therapy well because children live in their hearts and not in their heads! A young child does not have a barrage of constant thoughts running through their head. They are feeling their way through experiences, and this is how they learn.
Maybe it was my education background, but this was very counterintuitive for me. I tended to view situations as learning opportunities. I’ll admit it. As a parent, I over-explained. A lot!
The 10-Word Concept
Then, I was taught the “10-words concept. I learned that over-explaining pulls a child into their head and misses the critical time and attention a child needs to experience a situation and store information in their long-term memory. Communication with children improves when the adult slows down, acknowledges feelings, and concentrates on using ten words or less.
Older Children As a child’s brain develops, they begin to think through situations sometimes. It’s a new skill and not reliable – yet. Parents can still acknowledge an older child’s feelings using nuanced and advanced language followed by a pause. Give your child the opportunity to speak. If their nonverbal tells you they don’t want to talk anymore, then it is not a good time to impart your wisdom. The lesson will not be received. A helpful statement can be, “I’ll trust you to talk about this when you’re ready.”
Conflict
Using ten words or less is critical in times of conflict! Your child’s “thinking brain” is offline. Over-talking is not received. Limits may need to be set but do so briefly.
In fact, people of all ages communicate better when they are upset if the other person stays regulated, acknowledges the person’s feelings, and refrains from over-talking. Try it!
Hearts
Over-explaining and striving to turn every moment into an in-depth lesson is exhausting. It’s very freeing to relax a little, observe, interject briefly, and enjoy a child. Say less. Notice more. Stay connected.
