Grant in Fantasy What You Can’t Grant in Reality
August 3, 2026
Principles taken from Child Parent Relationship Training by Sue Bratton and Garry Landreth
Funny and surprising things happen when you engage with kids! Like the time when a baby doll was tossed into the fry pan in the toy kitchen. Surprising. The first time it happened I did not have a neutral face at all. Now, I can keep my cool and acknowledge the action without judgement. One thing I can predict is that kids are unpredictable.
During a play therapy session or during a special playtime with a parent, the goal is the same. The adult is discovering the child’s inner world through play. This is a time to let the child freely express themselves.
To create a special playtime with your child, focus on granting in fantasy – playtime – what you would not be able to grant in reality. Yes. Baby dolls might get put in the skillet or oven – not reality. The child may create a story with children not following the rules at school – not reality. Children have incredible imaginations! Special playtime is created to explore fantasy.
To create a meaningful special playtime with your child, here are some tips on what to avoid.
- Avoid teaching. This is not an educational time with quizzes on sight words, identifying colors, or learning the planets. This is a connecting time.
- Avoid judging. Refrain from all evaluation or judgment. Even positive judgment. Focus on encouragement phrases that notice progress, contribution, or effort.
- Avoid taking control. Let the child lead. Do not step in and direct or correct the story.
- Avoid setting limits too soon. Limits are used to keep you, the child, and property safe, but don’t set them before the child acts. Refer to previous blog for more specific info.
- Avoid rescuing. Let the child try first and ask for help when needed. Do not offer help when a child is frustrated. Reflect the feeling and pause.
In special playtime, the messages your child receives are: I’m here, I hear you, I understand, I care, and I delight in you.
When parents can allow fantasy while avoiding teaching, judging, correcting, or rescuing, children gain space to express their inner world safely. The doll may go in the skillet, the story may break the rules, and the parent’s steady presence becomes the source of lasting connection.
