What’s most important may not be what you do – but what you do after what you have done!
June 15, 2026
Principles taken from Child Parent Relationship Therapy by Sue Bratton and Garry Landreth
A famous psychologist, Dr. Edward Tronick, did fascinating research in child development and parenting. One thing he discovered was the value of “repairing” the “ruptures” in relationships. This applies to parenting in many ways.
Let’s face it, we all blow it. You can probably think of a recent moment that you regret. An unguarded word spoken in a moment of anger. Then, the look on your child’s face says it all. That is a rupture.
A rupture can also be a missed moment. You didn’t listen or encourage and missed an opportunity when your child needed you. Later, you hear your child crying in their room. Again, that’s a rupture.
Please remember this crucial tip from Sue Bratton and Garry Landreth:
What’s most important may not be what you do – but what you do after what you have done!
Isn’t that amazing? What you do after, is the repair, and it is the most important!
Repairing a rupture in your relationship with your child models a healthy apology and making amends. Here are a few tips on how to repair:
- Coregulate with your child until they calm. Hug them or rub their back if that is something they enjoy.
- If they are young, get down on their level. If they are older, sit down so you don’t tower over them.
- Apologize with no excuses.
- Offer to make appropriate amends. If the rupture was caused by your lack of listening, offer to listen when they are ready to try again. Connect amends to the offenses.
Small ruptures only need small repairs. Big ruptures need big repairs. Gauge this by the size of your child’s reaction. This can be tricky. Better to overshoot and let your child’s response assure you that the relationship is repaired.
Healthy relationships always have ruptures. We are humans. Remember, relationships are repairable and worth it!
