Focus on the Donut Not the Hole
June 1, 2026
Principles taken from Child Parent Relationship Therapy by Sue Bratton and Garry Landreth
Start Here!
Starting therapy can be a difficult time for children and parents. Sometimes, parents are focused on everything the child has done wrong. It is helpful to begin looking for positive qualities you see in your child. Try the following activity:
List all the positive qualities you have seen your child exhibit. Try to think of at least twenty. Google can help if you get stuck. Get several notecards and write one quality on each card. If your child likes to draw, ask them to decorate the cards and discuss what they mean. Younger children, or non-artists, might prefer stickers. After all the cards are finished, ask your child to select at least five of the qualities they think are true of them at least sometimes. This is a helpful glimpse into how your child sees themself. End the activity by explaining that what we pay attention to grows. Add that you will tell your child when you notice growth
Remember to follow up. Talk with your child at bedtime and comment on the positive attitudes and actions you observed. Gradually introduce noticing positive attitudes and actions you observed in others. Refrain from asking your child questions but pause giving them time to comment.
This activity can expand to include parents and siblings. Consider making additional cards for other positive character qualities. Some families have enjoyed placing a card at the person’s place at the dinner table then discussing what they observed during dinner.
Parents also benefit from focusing on their areas of strength. Give yourself a high five on all you are getting right! Are there areas where you can improve? Probably. You have begun an important journey by beginning therapy with your child. It’s challenging and you will grow.
Noticing the positive is a powerful encourager!